How can I improve myself and improve my communication in my marriage?
Due to recent events, I believe I have to sit and take a complete character evaluation of myself, This was not only for my benefit, but for the benefit of my relationship, for the peace of my home, and for the well-being of my space and the people I love.
We all go through times when we come to decide that we need to directly evaluate who we are as people and what we can do not only for us, but for the people around us. The people we choose to keep in our lives, especially our spouse, rely on us to continuously improve. When we are in relationships, especially when we are in long-term relationships we need to take the time to evaluate the changes that we have made, and the person that we have become. We as human beings constantly grow and change and this character evaluation, this is critical to keep the sense of togetherness. Especially when you’ve been together for a long time.
Now this character evaluation that I took, it wasn’t as good as I thought. Actually, it wasn’t really good at all. So in spite of all this information, I have decided to evaluate how exactly I can be a better spouse, How can I improve my own faults and become better for me and my loved ones? Now when we take character evaluations, especially when we are not so young anymore it’s hard to break habits. It’s hard to break the behaviors that we have continued for so long. When do we say it’s enough? When do we change for the good of the people around us? W are constantly told that we hurt the people we love the most but why should that be accepted? Why can we not change for love or for peace or for goodness. No, my behaviors are not simple. They are not things that can honestly just be taken back. I do not have good communication, which is surprising because I have good communication with people outside of the home and I’m not really kind not to him, at least I think that I constantly have to put on a mask that society accepts, and I feel more comfortable being who I choose to be at home. I think this sense of comfortability in freedom has led me to believe that I can’t choose to act how I want at home and I didn’t take into account his feelings or how it was going to affect him. My behaviors have completely destroyed us to the point where if I don’t change, my marriage is over.
This all led me to evaluate the subject of this post today and the three things that I have chosen to do better in order to improve and save my marriage. How else am I supposed to change any evolve if it’s not for a reason?
So What exactly can I do to improve my communication in my relationship?
Use I statements:
This one is one that I can say, that I do not do whatsoever. I tend to blame. I tend to push my behaviors off as a reaction or a because of I don’t really recognize my actual feeling that I’m feeling which contributes to the behavior. I have a hard time regulating my emotions so I tend to bottle them up and when they do finally come out, they do not come out appropriately so this one I have choose to make a conscious effort to do this one I did not grow up with positive self talk. I didn’t grow up with the ability to be open with my feelings, no one in my family was.
I think I statements are a great way to explain our feelings without blaming. This allows us to recognize and also share what we are feeling without making the other person feel bad or hurt. I statements are things such as; I feel and I think. Now this is not in a way that blames the other person, This is personal, in the way that takes accountability for our emotions are behaviors and not in a way that shifts blame. We cannot take accountability and change our behaviors if we don’t accept what behavior is happening.
Do not use hateful language:
Well guys, I hate to say it, but this is another one of those that I really have to work on. One of the things that I have found during my character evaluation. I have realized that I say very hurtful things to my husband. I do not speak to him with kind words. I am not verbally nurturing and many times I am not supportive. Now guys, it’s not that I don’t mean to. I simply have been conditioned in this way throughout my life.
During this time where I am having a transformative awakening, I am trying to also break generational curses. I’m trying to break the harm that has been done over generations and one of the things that I know has come from my family line, is not only hateful language, but not wanting to speak at all. I think in a way this is also a protective mechanism for me. If I hurt them first they can’t hurt me. So I have adopted this as well to protect myself. I have built a protective wall due to years and years of Familial abuse. That pain that I have felt is not worth me losing the family that I have now built.
I think it’s time to let this one go, for good.
Now, I did just wanna keep this as a couple options. A couple things that I can improve on just because you tend to get burnt out if you try to do too many things at once. So my third and final way that I can improve my communication and have a better relationship with my spouse is way more than just an action, it is a lifestyle. It is a coming of age and y’all know I’m a little too old for now. All jokes aside this one this one is the most important and the one that I need to focus on more than anything else.
Choose your partner every day
One of the things that I’ve come to realize is, just because we love someone we don’t always like them. In light of this revelation, I think not only me, but many of us tend to, maybe not deliberately, but tend to do things that do not align with our marital values or the environment that we have in our home. Another big, well huge thing that I have found in my character evaluation was that I really do not actively choose my husband. Not all the time at least. Now, if it came down to it I would absolutely choose him every time. But, how can I choose him every day? How can I show daily that I choose him? How can I stop using poor relationship habits in consistently show that I not only choose him but respect him and love him and do this daily.
You have to make an honest and conscious effort. Not just allow your actions to flow or the day to day processes to flow. Giving conscious reminders every day that we love our other half is crucial, not only for the relationship itself, but for our partners, well-being and self-worth. As much as we say that we shouldn’t influence another person self-worth or self-esteem, we 100% do. Especially when we are with this person every. I think this one is one of the biggest and most important of all the ways that we can choose and become better partners in our relationship.
Now I am in no means a therapist. I’m not licensed. I am just a woman trying to grow, elevate, and love
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